Last week while preparing for a presentation on listening, I leaned back in my chair at the computer wondering what story I could tell about listening deeply. Not just involuntary hearing but truly listening to the meaning of the words. Listening with my heart as well as my ears.
My heart burst open and I started to cry. I heard my mother say "I made soup."
My mother had severe crippling arthritis, scoliosis and heart disease. Her physician was an osteopath and she combined acupuncture, herbs, supplements and homeopathic medicine in her health care. She never went to the hospital .She would simply stay in bed for days at a time.
Cooking was very painful for mother so friends would bring food or take her out to eat most of the time. This was her program for the last 20 years of her life.
I*n her last few months every time Mother called me she would say "honey, I made vegetable soup. It’s so good!"
My response was always , "Great Mom." I actually remember being somewhat bored by these conversations and not really interested in her soup.
I harbored a well of anger with my mother and didn’t work through that before she died. It clouded all our communication.
Last week, 16 years later I got it. "I Made Soup"meant, honey I’m out of bed today; Im feeling strong and I was able to cut vegetables. It’s a glorious day!"
" I Made Soup" was a statement of mother’s courage and independence and her ability to push through her suffering .
Deep Listening is a practice and a philosophy developed by Pauline Oliveros. It is said in this practice that listening deeply requires the temporary suspension of judgment and a willingness to receive new information. It is a process of learning.
Truly listening allows us to not only hear what someone says and, what they think, but allows us the understanding of what it means to them and why it matters. There is perhaps no greater way to show our respect than to truly listen to someone.
Many blessings and please share your listening stories . Your stories mean so much to the community.
Irene smith
Comments
I am touched deeply by your story. I hear your childhood pain and the healing your grandmother provided. I also hear the focused personal reflection time involved to access the healing that allows you to share this experience so beautifully. Recognizing the gift from your grandmother is truly your most precious gift to her. Thank you for sharing.
in gratitude Irene Smith
Through the years, it has become clearer to me why I have always had such an affinity for the elderly. I trace this attraction directly to my great grandmother, a woman I was blessed to bond with during my early childhood years. I remember adults in my life being busy with daily struggles of living. Seeing that my generation exceeded what they had achieved was something we were taught as toddlers. First grade through twelfth, we never missed a day of school. There were hard times, deaths, lots of confusion I didn't understand until I became an adult myself. Grown-ups overwhelmed with unraveling problems and finding solutions didn't explain matters to children, especially in those days. But I think this goes on in many families even today. Sensitive and innocent children trying to figure out how life woks are left to observe, analyze, and discuss their concerns with immature friends their own ages.
But my great grandmother listened to me like she had all the time in the world and more. My memory of her is always one in which she is sitting quietly giving loving and unwavering attention to whatever I am saying. And I had plenty to say. I can't recall a single word she ever told me. I don't remember her taking me anywhere or giving me any special material gift. What I do remember in the very essence of my being is that her listening told me I mattered.
Be love(d).
Frances Shani Parker