Tool for Rituals at the end of life and before

[Mary Clark]

I developed a lavender box to use at the end of life to bathe the body and to help families create their own rituals at the time of death or before. Several hospices around the country have started using them and I was wondering how to get information out about them. web site is www.occasionalblessings.com     

[brittany bennett]

I can see two different sides to this this is a private moment with family and should be respected. The other side is limited exposure. Even those a person is deceased they still have privacy considerations. Exposure is vulnerability I think so we want to protect the vulnerable so we should cover up to protect this. I know maybe I`m a prude but shouldn`t we try to limit exposure in our everyday life? We want to make others comfortable the way I see it.

[Frances Shani Parker]

I discuss bathing the body and other death rituals in a chapter of my book titled "Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes.”

"Muslims wash the body of the deceased during a special purification ritual. My friend Carolyn, who is not a Muslim, participated in the washing of her Muslim husband’s body and received great comfort through her involvement. I asked her about her participation in this moving death ritual.

She explained, “The Imam, a Muslim leader, mentioned that three adults, including a spouse, could wash the body of the deceased during a ritual that prepares the loved one for being with Allah. He asked if I wanted to go to the funeral home and be a participant in washing Melvin, my deceased husband. I welcomed this opportunity. I knew Melvin would have wanted me to be actively involved.

In a private room at the funeral home, I used soap and water to clean Melvin’s upper body, while the Imam and another gentleman washed his lower body. During the washing process, I spoke tenderly to Melvin. I told him how wonderful he looked and how much I loved him. Even though he was dead, he wore the most beautiful smile. I knew he heard every word I said. The room was very quiet and serene. After three complete body washings, Melvin’s body was dried, oiled, and wrapped in two pieces of plain white cloth."

Frances

[Debra Heinzelman]

This can be a very beautiful experience for families. One thing to keep in mind would be to have the family do the bathing with dignity. I have known families to totally expose the body and not keep parts covered up in front of others. May want to be mindful of what would the deceased have wanted family to see or do that is so private. Just a thought.

[brittany bennett]

You are correct on this. Seems like in some ways we just block things out maybe. I had similar kind of experience with this. Maybe in some grief stage a person just isn`t aware.

[brittany bennett]

I think exposure is vulnerability and we should protect it. Maybe I `m just conservative in that way. Seems medical estabilishments don`t respect modesty enough. Am I a prude?

[brittany bennett]

I would think the family would not like to expose the body of the deceased. Maybe some would not even realize that others are around. Do you think when death is looming all other things that we consider important are not so so important anymore. The reason I`m asking is a similar situation occured and I could only fathom that it was not so big a deal because of the person`s life struggles.

[Mary Clark]

Perhaps the others are the ones that should not be present Bathing the body is a private affair, i think for those who want to do it ---sometimes I think we / others stand around as voyuers. I try hard to be mindful of intimate moments and leave.
I bathed my mom with my daughter I would not of known who was in the room at that time.

[Frances Shani Parker]

Search engines are often a good start when looking for information. I just Googled "different cultures and death" and found several resources:

http://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=differe...


While it is beneficial to be informed about various cultures, keep in mind that even within cultures there are variations. Rather than make assumptions based only on generalities, you should also discuss these matters with the people involved when possible. They will probably appreciate your sensitivity toward meeting their needs.

[brittany bennett]

Ok will check, just wondering if box would be that much different between cultures. I also would like to know about how to talk to different groups. I don`t want to say something offensive or insensitive to their respective cultures.

[brittany bennett]

Do you know of any courses that assist with understanding grieving in diverse groups?