Goodbye Ceremony

Choosing to visit Celine after visiting hours seemed perfect; however I knew I should call and alert nursing staff. I explained to James, Celine’s nurse, that I was on my way to the hospital to give Celine a massage. James with extraordinary compassion in his voice told me Celine had just died. I took a breath. The silence encouraged me to ask if I could come anyway. James said, yes.Lavender scented lotion was Celine’s favorite, so I packed it in my bag and called a taxi.Celine had been my neighbor for 25 years and allowing others in her private space was not Celine’s way. Being called for touch support in the final months of her life was quite an honor.Eight weeks later Celine became bedridden and no longer capable of caring for herself. Being there when her power of attorney called and told her that I had to call 911 was one of the hardest moments I’ve ever experienced with a client.As I packed Celines’s bag and assisted her in getting ready for the ambulance we both knew she would never see her home of 45 years again.When the taxi arrived at the hospital, I went to the 4th floor. James appeared with extended arms. We hugged. “What a beautiful idea” he said.There was a feeling of deep peace in Celine’s room as she lay like an African queen on a royal voyage. James removed the iv’s from her arms, the cooling blanket at her feet, and left us.I looked around the room. There were several stones and some pieces of wood. Wood and rocks had always comforted Celine with the spirit of the forest.I spoke to Celine of the peace I felt in the room and of the beauty I witnessed in her open unfurled face. I told her I forgave myself for calling 911, and after sensing the peace around her in that moment; I knew she forgave me as well.The scent of lavender filled the air as I slowly and gently anointed her body for the last time. Tears washed away my guilt and my heart received the honesty and fullness of our experience. It seemed guided as I placed the pieces of driftwood on Celine’s heart, solar plexus, and belly and laid the perfect lightweight sand colored stone on her forehead.Soft tones began to come through my throat and a chant was revealed. “You are the texture of the wood. You are the voice of the rock people. You are the movement of the breeze blowing through your window. You are harmony converging.” I repeated this several times.Two nurses entered. Each stayed for a while sharing tears and expressing gratitude for the ceremony.I requested that the stones and pieces of wood remain with Celine as she was transported from the 4th floor. James agreed.As I waited for my taxi, I stood deeply humbled by the blessings in my life and by my chosen work.Putting this experience into words has been yet another blessing. Thank you. I look forward to your comments.Irene Smithwww.everflowing.org1.

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Ros Scott, Honorary Research Fellow, University of Dundee, UK and Co-chair, EAPC Task Force on Volunteering in Hospice and Palliative Care. She is a researcher and voluntary sector consultant with a background in organisational development, research and the development of volunteering and of palliative care organisations.

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Comments

Christine Brusati October 2, 2008 at 8:17am

Irene, Thank you for sharing this intimate experience. One can see the value and importance of honoring the spirit with a goodbye ceremony. As I continue to do this work, I see how important it is to have some kind of closure.

With Gratitude, Christine
Irene Smith September 30, 2008 at 3:23pm

I appreciate your presence, Frances ,and am grateful for, and touched by, the depth of your response.

Yes I feel fortunate to have the opportunity to witness such profound beauty and to share it with a colleague that listens with such an open heart. In Gratitude Irene
Frances Shani Parker September 29, 2008 at 9:46pm

Irene, this is just a beautiful story. You went so deep into the well of yourself and took us right along with you. You are fortunate to have chosen work that you perform with such skill, humility and sacred respect. Thank you for blessing us with this bridge to the divine.

Frances Shani Parker

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