the touch that lingers

Posted by Elizabeth Holliday on July 21, 2008 at 10:49am
A week ago today, a patient named John made his transition. He continues to touch my life deeply. The quality of his presence is still with me, to the extent that I have not yet experienced the sadness of grief. Tears of joy came upon hearing exquisite singing at his memorial. But when I think of him, I find myself with the same solid footing as when we shared touch, and talk, in his hospice room. It occurs to me that this is a quality of presence, of continued presence. I have not experienced the touch of presence that lingers in quite this way, from one side of the transition, to the other, uninterrupted. It's not as though he is here in the room with me, it's as though he isn't gone. I ask myself if I am in denial..but I don't think so. I think I experienced presence in a new way. This is a new awareness for me, and a wonderful gift. This is in contrast with the conversations we sometimes have as bodyworkers at my volunteer support group meetings. We talk about managing the sense of loss after having experienced the physical touch bond through massage. I think there is something to that. Yet here I am, still feeling this exquisite presence of John, with no sting of loss. And the extra gift, too, which I learned at the memorial, is a classic John gift, the gift of intellectual inquiry from concepts and authors he shared with me. As I explore ideas he spoke of, and check out library books to learn more about things he said, there he will be. He is ever present. Have you had experiences like this? What is this like for you? Thank you.

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Replies

  • Irene Smith July 31, 2008 at 12:01pm
    Elisabeth

    Everyone experiences loss in their own unique way. Grief has no liniear form and there is no correct way to pass through it. How wonderful that you feel so connected during this time of relationship change into spirit. Cherish these moments and relish in such a close bond.Do not hold yourself to any predescribed forms. Be formless.

    When we open our hearts and literally embrace another, we open ourselves to the core of our being; compassion,and love. These gifts do not leave when someone dies. They are seeds that grow. Feeling that love when a client dies and being left in the well of compassion that has opened is a precious gift.

    You are very in tune with yourself . Stay close and allow the relationship to change and deepen in its own time.


    As you are uplifted in spirit however it is very important to keep a balance in the rest of your life.Continue to seek the experience of others and share your experience and wisdom.

    blessings Irene Smith author of "Providing Massage in Hospice Care "
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