The Language of Grief

[Maria Housden, author of HANNAH'S GIFT]

As a writer and as a bereaved mother, I am interested in how we describe the experiences of death, loss, and grief. Do you choose your words differently when speaking with children, and/or have you found that there are certain phrases or ways of saying things that are understood by and appropriate for adults and children alike? Also, have you ever used writing/journaling as a way to revisit painful memories, and, if you have, would you be willing to share some of your thoughts/musings/experiences here?

[brittany bennett]

I hear the term passed went to be with some other deceased person. I`ve even heard went home etc.

[Frances Shani Parker]

I personally prefer saying the person died. I think words like "passing" are euphemisms for avoiding the word death because we view that word as unpleasant. Speaking about death and dying helps us embrace these words more and lessens the fear associated with them.

[brittany bennett]

What about grief with diverse groups?

[brittany bennett]

The words seem to come naturally. When I talk to kids I don`t talk down to them. Whenever I have to it seems to just come out right. I say what I feel.

[Frances Shani Parker]

Maria, I extend my sympathy to you. I am a writer and hospice volunteer for adults. As a former school principal, I have communicated a lot with children (ages 3 - 15) who were grieving, but not dying. With adults and children, I tend to follow their lead in letting me know what they need, where and why they hurt most. I basically speak from the heart with no particular words or phrases used for any group. There are books available on this that are probably more specific.

I am author of "Becoming Dead Right: A Hospice Volunteer in Urban Nursing Homes" and a blog called "Hospice and Nursing Homes Blog." I write a lot, including thoughts, musings and experiences, both painful and pleasant. You might want to consider joining the Hospice Volunteer Journal, the Poetry and Quotes, and/or Bereavement groups at this HVA website. Sharing and discussion of written works are encouraged. I wish you the best.

[Maria Housden, author of HANNAH'S GIFT]

thank you, frances ... for your response and for the important work that you do. i will check out the poetry and quotes group on this website.